Watch Out for Pesky Adverbs and “Weasel Words”

If you’ve been writing fiction for a while, you’ve probably heard editors or other writers insist that adverbs and overused words (and actions) weaken writing. That advice may be followed by the famous writerly command “show, don’t tell.” That’s because readers today want to “see” what’s happening in a story, not have it told to them—and using adverbs and “weasel words” often leads to “telling.”

What’s the Problem with Adverbs?

Adverbs are words or phrases that modify a verb, adjective, other adverb, or group of words; they show a relation to manner, cause, degree, time, place, etc. The most picked-on adverbs tend to be words ending in ly (e.g., quickly, softly, happily, sadly), but others are also overused (e.g., then, just, very, really).

Adverbs do have a bad rep. Stephen King was endlessly requoted for saying that fantasy author J. K. Rowling “never met an adverb she didn’t like” (and that wasn’t a compliment). Out of curiosity, I read some comments on one of the Harry Potter forums to see if “normal” readers are bothered by them as well—or if it’s just us authors who have a bug up our broomstick. Here’s one comment:

“Does anyone else get sick of reading calmly, serenely, cheerfully, smilingly after everything Dumbledore says? By the sixth book I keep thinking, ‘Alright! I get it!’ . . . I don’t need to be reminded with calmly stamped after every sentence. J. K. Rowling’s adverb affair is the only thing I find tedious when reading the HP books. Gems like unconcernedly, disconcertedly, disconcertingly, reprovingly. AGH! But the Dumbledore adverbs by far outstrip the rest when it comes to pointless repetition.”

Yes, from the many complaints, readers do not like a plethora of adverbs.

The best call is to use dialogue tags—use said, in fact, and its equally invisible counterpart asked—but use them sparingly, not after every line of dialogue. You don’t need adverbs. And for the rest of the space? There are action beats.

While it’s fine and good to use said as long as you do so sparingly, in a longer conversation you can still end up with the problem of white space—the dialogue will lose contact with the setting, and your readers will get the sense that they’re hanging in midair.

This is where the skilled use of action beats comes in. Used well, action beats not only do away with the need for a whole lot of speaker tags, they also keep us in touch with the setting, enhance characterization, and occasionally even help out the plot.

Bits of action that intersperse the dialogue—a muscle twitching, swallowing, hands to temples, stopping—all give the dialogue a visual element. They keep the conversation inside the scene.

Description and internal monologue can be used this way as well. They identify the speaker, making the conversation easier to follow, but they also make the scene visual and reveal more about the characters through their actions as they’re speaking.

What about “Weasel Words”?

In fiction, “weasel words” are unnecessary words, phrases, and even actions that end up sucking the creative life out of writing. Some examples include using the same bodily movements (e.g., “he shrugged” or “she smiled”) repeatedly and filling sentences with “to be” verbs and superfluous words.

Merriam-Webster defines a weasel word as “a word used in order to evade or retreat from a direct or forthright statement or position.” In fiction, weasel words are not intended to purposely evade, but their use can certainly result in a less-than-concise sentence that lacks forthrightness.

Let’s review a handful of the most common fiction weasel words:

• Weak “to be” verbs: is, are, was, were, had, had been,
• Superfluous words: that, very, just, really, rather, kind of/sort of, nearly/almost, quite, like, even, so, absolutely, usually, truly, totally, probably, actually, basically, extremely, mostly, naturally, often, particularly, started to/began to
• “Telling” words: seemed, knew, thought, felt, wondered, mused

Weak “To Be” Verbs

These words, in most cases, produce subpar writing. Consider these two sentences: “The dog was on the bed” and “The dog sprawled across the bed.” The second sentence is not only more active; it’s also more specific. “The dog was on the bed” could imply that the dog is sitting, standing, lying, etc. “The dog sprawled across the bed” gives a clear picture of the dog’s action.

Superfluous Words

These words, in many cases, are unnecessary or can be exchanged with a word that paints a stronger picture. Consider these two sentences: “She told me that I could go with her” and “She told me I could go with her.” Both sentences say the same thing; the only difference is the extra word (that) in the first one.

Most editors agree that that should be omitted anytime a sentence sounds right without it. If a that is necessary for a sentence’s clarity or because the sentence sounds awkward without it, keep it. (Note: “had” is acceptable when used to describe something that happened in the past.)

Now consider these two sentences: “He started to sing” and “He sang.” In many cases, “started to” and “began to” are unnecessary and can be replaced with a description of what’s happening. An exception would be if an action is interrupted, and it needs to be obvious that something was started and not finished. Then “started to” or “began to” is more accurate. Ultimately, use more active wording whenever it strengthens the writing.

Weasel words and dialogue. People use weasel words all the time when speaking. So be careful when removing them from spoken discourse. If a weasel word strengthens the dialogue (makes it sound more natural), leave it; if removing the word doesn’t change the sound of the dialogue, take it out and enjoy less verbiage.

Weasel words and character voice. Take a character’s voice into consideration before omitting or rewording weasel words. If eliminating a weasel word compromises a character’s voice, don’t do it.

So What’s a Writer to Do?

Should writers omit all adverbs and weasel words from their manuscript? Of course not. As with most things in life, there’s a time and a place for everything. Sometimes adverbs are necessary to provide the clearest meaning, and sometimes weasel words give a character color and voice. But the opposite is also true. Adverbs and weasel words often do mitigate good writing.

Not all adverbs are pests and should be eliminated, but it’s safe to say many writers overuse adverbs and rely on them too much to tell what their characters are feeling and doing. Adverbs packed into sentences to help speed up action (“He ran quickly as he hurriedly pulled his phone out of his pocket”) actually do the opposite—they drag the pace. Imagine each extraneous adverb as a heavy rock in your character’s pocket. The more rocks, the slower the narrative moves. Toss those rocks out and watch your scenes pick up speed.

Fortunately, eliminating these flaws is a little easier than getting rid of some of the other writing flaws described in this book. Some adverbs and weasel words can be identified and removed using MS Word’s Find and Replace feature, and others are blatant enough (once you recognize them) to be caught with self-editing.

It’s worth taking the time to identify and catch your pesky adverbs and weasels. It will make for tighter, more engaging writing!

Featured Photo by Marc Cordeau on Unsplash